We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
