When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
