I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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