are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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