A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
