he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
