I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
