Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
