yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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