Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
