How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
