So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've blown a few things in my day
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
