I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Where is the hickey?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
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And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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