Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
