BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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