I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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