seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
