I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
