I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
