Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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