I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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