Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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