There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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