There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
