on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
