you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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