I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
