when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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