Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
