It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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