Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
