Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
