Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
