I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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