Three words: puerto rican gang bang
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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