mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
