I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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