we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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