All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
