Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
