Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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