I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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