Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
