So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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