hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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