but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
