the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
