Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
