SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
