We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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