Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
