forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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