I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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