I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
