I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
