Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
