am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
