is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
