You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
