we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just had sex on a roof
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
