The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
