I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
