I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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