I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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