Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
