Pappa wants mamma naked
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
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I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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