dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
