quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
